Coming home.

Dear You,

I have been driving endlessly, through valleys that are deeper than the highest mountains I have climbed. Through sunrises and sunsets, some lasting longer than the other.

Sleep is now a distant friend, so I carry on my journey alone. Often, I reach out my hand to hold yours, only to be reminded of your absence.

Voids the size of the Milky Way stare back at me.
So I wonder, how an empty heart can feel so heavy.

I thought I was running away from the mess I created. Driving away from you and your thoughts. But they’re all staring at me from the backseat.

Gently reminding me of the pain that has attached itself to me.

I want to come back home,
I want to come back to you.

But I am lost.
And I don’t think these roads can ever lead me back.

Flooded towns.

Dear You,

I can tell you this with all the wisdom I have gathered, broken hearts are the heaviest. As you watch the contents of your heart spill into the street, waves taking over the whole town, don’t look away.

This is all your love, washing down buildings of memories. You created that, and if the whole town drowns, cutting you off from the rest of the world, then so be it.

If someone wants to reach you, they will sail through the rising waters.

And when that happens all you have to do
Is decide if they can get to you.

Beginning of the end.

Dear You,

I think it’s time to go.

I leave behind memories and love, but I hope I have taken away all the sadness.

Don’t let the pain blind you, don’t let it change you. Let it gently lead you to the path you were always meant to walk.

I have loved you from a distance, I have loved you from close. And now I must learn to love you from wherever I am going. Or perhaps, not love you at all.

Dear You,

It’s time to go.

Stay another day.

Dear You,

I’ve been meaning to tell you that things are going to be okay. Maybe not the way they used to be, perhaps not the way you once wished it would.

But, you are going to be okay.

I don’t know if everything will work out in the end, but I know that you’ll be fine.

The scars from your battles will be gentle reminders of how you survived your worst nights. You will painfully remember that Saturday evening when you boarded the flight, without a single shard of hope.

But you’ll also remember how you made it to your destination.

Life is hard. The lows are somehow entrenched in our memory, while the highs seem so fleeting.

But if you’re breathing,

And your heart is beating,

And your brain, lungs and every other part is functioning well,

Then you’ll survive this, no matter how times in the past you fell.

And if it’s getting difficult please remember this.

Everything comes to an end.

Good, bad and life.

29 is just a number.

Dear You,

You’re currently packing your bags for that holiday in Pondicherry, so it’s rather endearing that you’re unaware about how next year this time, you’ll be in Muscat.

The year will be a whirlwind of good and bad – yes, yes like any other year. However this year will be about new things, like living alone. It’ll be about falling in love again, with new places and people and realising how awful and wonderful life can be. You’ll go through some terrifying moments and you’ll make it, but you’ll have to hold on tight.

You will find yourself lonely on some days, but you will also find out that the greatest lessons in life are learnt alone.

On some days you’ll bawl like a baby, but you’ll realise that sometimes there will be no one to soothe your fears. That’s all right, because you’ll learn that you can be your greatest friend.

You will not need a knight in shining armour, mainly because you are one. But on some days, you will graciously accept help from one who is armed with a plunger.

You are crazy, so when you find someone who is wholly accepting of you (despite all your flaws), hold on to them. Remember, it’s a privilege to be loved for who you are, don’t pass that up because of what someone else thinks.

Learn to love your family and friends. They can (and will be) annoying, but life can be incredibly tasteless without them.

Accept help when you can,

Stand your ground when you’re right,

Speak up for women and DO NOT let silence be your weapon,

Say please and thank you and always remember,

The best gift you can give yourself is

Love.

Happy birthday.

Ever yours,
P