Meal for one, memories of two,
Relentless thoughts and a longing for you.
Grief my constant is weighing me down,
I smile and laugh, but I wear a thorny crown.
Standing on the shore I wave you goodbye,
The ship has been wrecked and so have I.
I think it’s time to go.
I leave behind memories and love, but I hope I have taken away all the sadness.
Don’t let the pain blind you, don’t let it change you. Let it gently lead you to the path you were always meant to walk.
I have loved you from a distance, I have loved you from close. And now I must learn to love you from wherever I am going. Or perhaps, not love you at all.
It’s time to go.
We don’t just bury the dead.
Sometimes those alive are laid to rest too,
In ways that we never thought we would.
Some days we bury their thoughts,
Unbearably beautiful, warm hands that kept yours safe.
Other days we bury their photos,
Unable, unwilling to delete them.
On others we dig deep holes and drop their words,
Their love and smile always follows.
Some days we bury our lives spent together,
But on most days, we quietly bury ourselves.
One day the sun came up.
I truly never believed it would.
But it did.
The cloud of darkness still existed inside of me,
Thundering and lighting up with hurt and sadness,
Though one would argue it was the latter that took precedence.
But I knew that one day it wouldn’t feel like this.
So I stepped out to take in some sun,
As the storm continued to rage inside.
I’m not sad. I’ve repeatedly told myself that. But she’s always with me, when I’m with friends or alone.
Little sadness in her pretty blue dress, staring at me with her big brown eyes. There’s nothing menacing or haunting about her, just heartbreaking.
She doesn’t say a word, doesn’t make a sound. Just sits there. So I ignore her sometimes. But I can feel her lingering presence, like a dark cloud that came out of no where.
We weren’t like this before. Yes, we’ve crossed each other on the road several times, but we’ve always exchanged a polite smile or sometimes even a chat, nothing more.
But this feels different. She’s moved into my house, a roommate I never asked for. She’s there in the middle of the night, asking to be comforted. I would’ve if I only knew how to. But I don’t, so we sit there in the living room with the glare of the television flashing.
Maybe one day she’ll move on, one day this gloom will lift. But she’s here now. Holding my hand and waiting to be noticed.
So I open the door for her, she gets out of the car and walks into the house.
I follow her. She goes to the couch sits down and cries.
I do too.
Life is messy, stressful and downright difficult. But it’s incredibly beautiful too.
So when you’re in a slump and the skies are all cloudy and you can’t see a single damn star,
It becomes imperative to shine brighter for yourself.
Cut yourself some slack, give yourself a break,
Take a deep breath and set that weight aside.
You don’t have to ignore it forever, but you sure as hell can set it down for one day.
When you’re stronger, revisit it and take all the decisions you’re supposed to,
But today, you must rest.
I’ve been meaning to tell you that things are going to be okay. Maybe not the way they used to be, perhaps not the way you once wished it would.
But, you are going to be okay.
I don’t know if everything will work out in the end, but I know that you’ll be fine.
The scars from your battles will be gentle reminders of how you survived your worst nights. You will painfully remember that Saturday evening when you boarded the flight, without a single shard of hope.
But you’ll also remember how you made it to your destination.
Life is hard. The lows are somehow entrenched in our memory, while the highs seem so fleeting.
But if you’re breathing,
And your heart is beating,
And your brain, lungs and every other part is functioning well,
Then you’ll survive this, no matter how times in the past you fell.
And if it’s getting difficult please remember this.
Everything comes to an end.
Good, bad and life.
I sometimes wonder what I would tell you if I met you when you were younger.
Would I hold your hand right at that moment when your heart was going to break, or would I stop you from doing the things that would lead to a lifetime of pain?
On that note, you should perhaps remember that there really is no “lifetime of pain”. I just said it for dramatic effect.
Sometimes there are several flashes of pain, during other days the suffering is prolonged and feels never-ending, but it will.
I wouldn’t say that happiness is fleeting like a butterfly. Instead it’s like a wave, strong on a few days, on others it’s but a ripple. And even though it will recede, remember it always comes back.
So maybe take both with a pinch of salt? Let them shape you, but don’t let them change who you are.
You should however pay attention to the small pockets of peace when life traps you in a flooding cave of emotions. They will keep you alive.
And remember, life is beautiful but can be chaotic, so sometimes you’ll need people to help you stay afloat, hold on to them for dear life. They can be friends, family and a stranger in the airport who offers you water when you’re crying.
But on most days it will just be you.